Happy smoking

[Mr. J]

All is well in my smoking life. I can't wait to go pipe shopping. I'm pissed that I can't do that tomorrow because of Labor Day. I bet my favorite smokeshop is closed. Going to a smokeshop is a glorious experience for me. The joyous sights of pipes and jars of bulk tobaccos welcome me. The smell of cigar smoke in the air lets me know that I am most welcome here. Just looking at fine tobaccos and smoking instruments just feels incredibly special. I first went into a smokeshop when I was a small child, my father was still in the picture, so I must have been very young. I went into the humidor with him as he selected a box of Hoyo de Monterreys. The sights of cigars and their divine smell just pierced into my soul. I relive the granduer of that moment every time I see a walk-in humidor. I might grab a cigar, but my real interest is in pipes. I became a pipe smoker at age 19, puffing black cavendish from a Dr. Grabow. I went back to the cigarettes, but for the next few years I always carried a pipe and pouch in my blazer. I still use the same black vinyl pouch, super glued a few times. I found a line of Chzechoslovakian pipes for under $40 that get the job done right. Ogling the high roller pipes is just a ritual act of masturbation. I smoke Prince Albert Crimp Cut and light up with a solid brass Zippo pipe lighter. Fuck your Calibri, there's nothing quite like a Zippo. I smoke other blends on occasion, but always a burley based blend. PA appeals to the cigarette smoker in me; there's nothing delicate to savor and it goes great with anything. The perfect all-day smoke for me.

I have two pipe racks, scored from a thrift store for about $3 and in flawless condition. I'm looking at my favorite one right now, the sight of it pleases me in a special way. It's got seven spots and I yearn to fill them all with beautiful briar. My vulcanite stems stay shiny, I gently bathe them in olive oil as if they were my babies. Or filthy kittens. Maybe that metaphor went too far, but you get the idea. My love runs deep. This explains my flaming hatred of modern times and the anti-smoking movement. I feel so much despair and loathing every day, and my pipes take it all away. They take me to a beautiful place, every time I light up or my lips embrace the vulcanite. I love the way their supple finish feels in my left hand. I like to just hold my pipe and feel it return my affection. I clean them with Jim Beam. They may give me cancer, but I'll understand, forgive them, and load up another one.

Fuck with my pipes and I will fucking kill you. Die, anti-smokers, die!

[Native Arizona]

J - hope you saw my post before it was deleted. I think I commented on your pipe collection and agreeded with your assessment of many anti-smokers I have been in contact with.

[Mr. J]

Yes, I caught that post. It's always nice to chat with unapologetic smokers.

[Native Arizona]

Well, it is not like I'm walking up to them and blowing smoke in their face. They don't own the sidewalk and Arizona made it a law that you had to be 20 feet from an entrance so if they happen to walk where I'm ALLOWED to smoke then I could care less if they suck in my fumes. As I've said before, if anyone thinks I'm a bitch now - just try to take my smokes from me.

As far as the people who yell that I'm costing them money in health care dollars...they can kiss my ass too. I provide health care for my family and I pay for it. I've been working since I was 16 and believe me - I've paid tons of money into the sytem. I am healthier and have lost less production days and the so-called vegan's who don't do anything wrong. How is that? How can a smoker possibly be healthier than a vegan? My theory is that my body is used to pollutants (food, air, etc.) that I have built up an immunity that you just can't get. I smoke, I eat red meat, I rarely drink milk, I cook with grease, I drink wine and hard liquor, and I celebrate life. I will outlive many who over-percaution their habits.

Remember the saying "only the good die young"? Well, I'm far from good - guess I'll live a very, very long time.

[Zooie]

First of all, please bear with me, I just felt a need to post a bit here. I love reading J's posts about smoking...I can almost see him caress his pipes, savour the taste, inhale with delight and just enjoy the hell out of a good smoke. I've admitted living vicariously thru J's rants, guess I do the same about his cigarettes and pipes (altho I never smoked a pipe!).

But I was a pleasure smoker for 30 glorious years, from the time I lit up my first at age 17 in 1965, and off and on (mostly on) until 2001. I hated it when people acted as tho I was exhaling poison and would back away, or forbid it in their cars, or homes, but I always complied, altho I wanted to tell them I have rights too. I had one job where the rule was you could smoke if you had a smokeless ashtray, then somebody still complained and I was banned to the far away smoking area of the building. Another job, I was sitting at my computer and some asshole came up and said "put out your cigarette". I said "when I'm ready". He said "now. You can't smoke around this type of computer (Compugraphic)." The bastard had a grin on his face to boot. So I put out the damn thing and wished him a merry trip to hell where I had banished him in my mind. Yet another job (at a hospital) got rid of the smoking areas altogether and even banned it in the employees own cars, saying it was on business property! What a crock of shit.

The other day at the casino I sat (in the SMOKING section, enjoying the fumes) next to a lady who was obviously enjoying her slot machine and her cigarette. Then a woman on her other side complained about it, but the smoker (I was so proud!) said: "This is a smoking section and if you don't like it you can damn well go somewhere else." Bravo!

Guess I'm trying to say that some of us who chose to quit (due to complicated health reasons by the way--made worse by the smoking, NOT caused by it, so I didn't hurt anybody's health plan) still have fond memories and don't judge (but have a lot of envy for) those of you who still smoke. I miss my Virginia Slims Menthol Lights. So, puff away and enjoy! (and I'm the one walking by you and sucking up the air to get a hit!)

[Mr. J]

I love both of you. Health nuts jerk off and piss in the wind while we have real lives. I too consume whatever the Hell I want, I'm smoking and drinking right now. These are my two great loves, hot women are boring and useless in comparison. Here's to hedonism.

[Native Arizona]

J - how long I've waited for you to say you love me (kidding).

The fine people of Arizona decided that you can't even smoke in bars here and if you go outside, you cannot smoke within 20 feet of an entrance. Some legislators continually try to make it illegal to smoke in your own car if there is a minor present. My thought it this, when they pay for my car, they can tell me what to do with it - until then they can kiss my lilly white ass.

[Mr. J]

It's great that I don't want to leave home anymore, because my apartment is the only place I can smoke. God, I hate the outside world.

[Native Arizona]

The funny thing is that legislators try their damndest to coral smokers so that they aren't corrupting the rest of the public. At the same time they increase the per pack taxes on the cigarettes and then whine when smokers quit and they no longer have that funding source for their pet project.

When will they ever learn? Oh yeah, they are politicians and the majority of them can't find their way out of a paper bag.