Normal BP stuff and personality "flaws"

[HB]

I haven't posted for quite a while as I've been on summer vacation. I'm virtually stress-free while at home and loving it.

However, I received a packet for all teachers from my school yesterday and just seeing it got me anxious. There was nothing threatening about it, just a school calendar, a cover letter, etc. But the thought of going back to school and being under a microscope there has me feeling quite anxious.

I analyzed why I'm feeling this way and realized that one reason is that what is normal BP stuff, such as difficulty with change, is perceived and evaluated as personal flaws. I tried my very best last year but was still given the worst score possible on my end of year evaluation for "manages change well" or some such wording.

I need to work, and this school has been the best place for me to do so. But it is so hard when BP stuff, such as avoidance of triggers, is perceived as personality flaws.

Although this is a private school, does the Americans with Disabilities Act still apply here? I mean, I feel that reasonable accommodations would help me out but I don't know if it applies for private schools. I'm not asking for much, just a bit of understanding regarding BP.

Any thoughts on this?

Sandra

[Muddler]

Hi Sandra - I can understand your anxiety about starting school again. IMHO, I honestly believe that you should look at developing your coping skills - perhaps through therapy. It is a terrible thing to live in a fast changing world & not be able to deal with it. This is something YOU can do & will give you better control over your life.

[guy]

HI Sandra,

I worked as a school teacher for about eight years, and every year at the start of the year I would have this stress dream about getting to a class late and the principal being there when i got there and admonishing me in front of the students.

It was a horrible dream that i would have all to frequently.

these days I am no longer able to work- I think things were crunblening for a long time- but a critical factor that made me leave teaching was when a student who i didnt know, pulled a knife and put it to my throat- and the boss treated it as a joke,

I was treated badly because i reported it to the local community policing squad- the child has was given a two day in school susepension from classes.
i still have nightmares and feel uncomfortable when someone has a knife in their hand.

[HB]

Hi, Muddler,

I agree with you about developing better coping skills and have been working with a psychologist on just that since May. I'm finding it very helpful - just worried about using these new skills once I'm in a stressful environment again.

What's tough is the change; every year, the supervisors switch teaching teams, classrooms, etc. except for two teachers who've refused to switch partners. Fortunately, this year, I'll be with the teacher I started out with last year and was having such a good year with until asked to switch classrooms and take over for the other teacher. I thought I handled the change well last year; apparently, the supervisors did not. I checked on the Americans with Disabilities web site and saw that difficulty handling change is one symptom of BP that can be accommodated. That is what I find tough - this is considered a personality "flaw".

And Guy, I've also had difficult situations laughed about - until the same thing happened to the principal! Then, it was dealt with immediately. Very frustrating, I know.

Take care, and thanks so much for your insight and honesty, Muddler - I really appreciate it.

Sandra

[Muddler]

Pleasure HB. I struggle to work full-time as well. I find I go 6-8 weeks & then I become physically ill for a few days. It's like I burnout. It's really embarassing but also very real. Of course it's a massive obstacle. Thankfully my present (semi-) employment is something I can handle better. I'm trying to work on acceptance with this one & not finding it easy. I hate letting an employer down. Not sure whether it has anything to do with BP or not. Might be a residual of the encephalitis I suffered some years back.

[Native Arizona]

Sandra,

The Americans With Disabilities Act MAY cover (I've read the text but I'm no lawyer) you but do you really want to disclose your disability and prove it to them? If I recall, the Act doesn't require an employer to "understand" but to physically accomidate you if they can.

I think your best option is to seek therapy and learn to deal with change better. I admit, I too have problems with change but there would be no way my work could accomidate me under ADA and I would be forced out of my current position. In your case, the private school may be exempt if they are a 501(3)C organization and disclosing bp may do more harm than good. If you can't handle the changes every year as you would expect with any educational facility (which may also trigger an exemption) - perhaps you should look elswhere. I am not saying this to be mean but to be matter of fact.

[guy]

hi, i was just pondering whether there is a disability support sytem in place in the USA as there is in Australia. It is not much to live off money wise, but it I am very thankful for its existence.

As I havent been well enough to work for a number of years now and the prospect of working again is low.

because of age restrictions i can not access the miniscual ammount of superanuation that i had through my short working time,

It is amazing though that to those who view my life from the outside they may see it as sedentary , like i am not doing anything but i feel as busy as can be these days. with reading, music, exercise and buddhism on my agenda for the future.

I am also going to study a subject called "disablity, mental health and the law" as part of a law degree ive been sporadically studying.

[HB]

Hi, All,

My employer and supervisors know that I have BP. I just hope I don't feel as if I'm under a microscope this year!

I do not want to use ADA, as I think it could be detrimental. However, there are certain accommodations that could be easily made that would make it easier for me to work there. The JAN site offers several accommodations for bipolar disorder.

Native Arizona, I agree with you regarding counseling and I've been doing just that since May. I should be fortunate that at least I get to remain teaching a third or fourth grade classroom. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't teach as I really enjoy it. In addition, I need the salary and insurance coverage!

To you all, I appreciate your honesty. Through my posts, you know what I'm like and can recognize patterns even when I have trouble doing so.

Thanks!

Sandra

[guy]

All the best for the start of the new semester then Sandra,

I hope you continue to enjoy the positives and that you can keep those in mind through adversity-

Perhaps you can set yourself up with a couple of " rescue cover type lessons for those moments when you are not feeling at your peak.
I used to teach music and had a structure where when the students would not settle easily we would have a highly structred session listening to and then analysing various pieces of music. - it was what i called a music listening journal- and i would introduce words and vocab relevant to muscial structure and instrumentation. - for me these lessons were what I called part of my six step lesson plan- as in the six steps to the classroom door-

regards that Guy From Oz

[HB]

Dear Guy from Oz,

Great idea - those lessons to have in reserve. I shall do that.

Also, when I read your note, I thought about treating myself for making it through a week or two-week period of time successfully using the strategies I'm being taught by my psychologist. I have a life coach, courtesy of my insurance company, who suggested keeping an emotional goal in mind for each day, and I've done that. Found that helpful, too.

For the upcoming school year, I'm also working with a teacher whom I really enjoy working with. That's a plus. She was the first one whom I told about the BP so she could help if she saw me heading either up or down. She has depression, and I watch out for her, too.

So, I'm thinking more positively today. Hurrah! Thank you for your ideas. I really appreciate them!

Sincerely,
Sandra

[Native Arizona]

I'm glad to hear that things seem to be looking brighter!

(The new smilies are pretty cool!)