new member with bipolar husband

[stormy6]

I'm trying to hang in with my husband which we have been married for 20 years this June. He was diagnosed with bipolar since 2000 and we have three kids, girl 12, girl 3, and a boy 2. I've read a lot of websites and a book to try to understand this disease. In a lot of the websites it says to not get emotional and to keep your emotions out of the scenario. It is very hard for me to keep my emotions at bay when for almost five years I've been accused of having an affair. My husband also has hypersexualatiy which he has acted on when we were seperated for more times than I can count. I try to ignore his words but they sting and hurt me. I don't want to kick him out again because he is great with his kids but I'm not sure how much I can take. The other thing that is stopping me is that my at the present time I am in poor health and trying to ignore the symptoms. I know I'm suppose to take care of myself but there is no one else but me. My family don't understand bipolar and all have abandoned me with no help with the kids to give me a break. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Spirit]

Hi Stormy, I'm the bipolar one in my family but I can sympathize with you. I do admire you for hanging in there. I hope your husband has a good psychdoc and takes his meds regularly. Is that the case? Well, I would suggest one thing and that is that you take care of your health and see the doctor soon. You could check with your County Mental Health Dept and ask if there's a support group in your area for people related to folks with mental illness. You could have a place to share problems and get suggestions for coping. Please keep up a dialogue with Pendulum as we will be happy to be helpful and encouraging to you as well.

[stormy6]

My husband has been off of medication for about a month now. He is suppose to see a new doctor this coming Friday. I know that most of his problems is because of not being on medication. I do believe that the medications do help but even when he is on the medications he still accuses me of things. I am worried about him and us as well as how it is affecting the children. I hope the new doctor will do something and not treat my husband like a number. Thanks for he reply.

[Spirit]

Hi, I was just wondering why your husband is off his medications. Has he run out or is he just not taking them. I can remember when I was married with two young kids I got the idea that I didn't need meds and refused to take them. That didn't help matters at all. I hope that's not the situation with your hubby. As for him blaming you for things and you feeling bad about that, I could suggest prayer. If you're a praying woman, I would pray about it for help and strength.

[stormy6]

My husband went in house down in Georgia for a week and then came back up here to Pennsylvania with new medications and a new schedule. When he started to run out I called the nurse practioner who was treating him about getting a new prescription and she refused to give him his Depakote because she didn't perscripe it to him. I told her that she can not do that to a bipolar person. I tried going to his family doctor but that particular day he got the doctor out of the group that doesn't give out medications. Thankfully I was able to get him a new doctor an hour away from home that he goes to tomorrow. All the other doctors near home are not excepting new patients. I don't care how far we have to drive to get him to a doctor. I do pray a lot. I've prayed more than I ever had since my husband has become this way. Its almost like I'm either praying for the wrong things or God just stopped listening to me. Or I'm such a block head I'm not seeing what God is trying to tell me. I pray and hope this new doctor will be a good doctor and not treat my husband like a number like so many doctors before.
Thanks for the come back.

[Spirit]

Hi Stormy, the doctors you mention, are they psychiatrists or as we call them psychdocs? Let me encourage you to keep on keeping on and not to give up. Remember that God's timing is not the same as ours so we have to be patient. Also, He may answer your prayers in a different way then you are expecting. I will be praying for you and your husband.

[stormy6]

The new doctor is a psychdoc. Thanks for the prayers.

[kjazzygirl]

Welcome Stormy! Hope today finds things better for you. I can tell you what has really helped me as far as MY life since my son's bipolar disorder surfaced. (not in any particular order)

Prozac & Xanax (sad, but true - hey whatever works I say!) visits to therapist and pdoc
Reading "Codependent No More" Melody Beattie - read it twice
Took NAMI's Family to Family class
Go to Bipolar support group for friends/family twice a month (this has probably helped me the most).
Concentrate on what I CAN control and that is ME and only ME. My health was going downhill and I was severly depressed for about a year...now I've lost 22 pounds and still going. Feel great!


SET MY BOUNDARIES AND STICK WITH THEM!!!!!!! I started with what I thought I could stick with easiest...that was financial. I quit bailing him out of financial trouble. Closed the checking account I was "enabling" him with and separated my credit from his as quickly as possible. Quit giving, "loaning" him money, etc. etc.

Got that one pretty much under control....then I refused to let him cuss me, and have a temper tantrum and hit walls and such. One phone call to the city police was all that took! And I will call them again if he tries throwing a fit to get his way. Baby step by baby step I am changing MY reaction to his actions and it is making MY life much easier!!! Good luck. Kat

[bmcmillan]

The post I read are old...is there anyone posting now...

[stormy6]

I've been posting as of late. Someone does get back to me. I have a bipolar husband and three kids 12, 3, and 2 years-old. Welcome to the site. I joined this site because of the old postings that I read. The postings that I read made me feel like I'm not alone in the world that is dealing with bipolar. No one around me understands or wants to help me. Hope to talk with you later. Maybe we can support each other because this disease is a nasty disease for the patient and the supporter. Hence the reason why the suicide rate in bipolar patients are high and there is a high rate of divorce in the marriage of a bipolar person.

[scifinut]

Hi bmcmillan. I don't post often. I have a daughter with bipolar and an alphabet soup list of other issues.