I'm back

[melbeck032769]

Well, I had posted on Friday what has been going on with my husband AGAIN. This weekend, he pulled another one. He was out until midnight Friday night, until 3:30am Saturday night, and all night last night. When I left for work this morning , he was sleeping in his car. I know he is not taking his meds, he is drinking, and I believe he is on drugs again (crystal). He has been working during all of these sleepless nights too. On top of all of this crap, he has taken a total of $140.00 out of the ATM since Thursday, and has nothing to show for it (besides the drugs and alcohol). I just returned to work a few weeks ago, and we just purchased a new car, and have had to catch up on bills this month, and pay sales tax on the car, so needless to say money's VERY TIGHT right now.

Last night I had had enough. When I returned home, he was out in the garage. He had lied about taking $80 out Saturday night, and of course I found out. I pay all of our bills, and handle everything. I asked him where the money was, and he said he had most of it in his wallet. I went and looked in it, and there was $20 in there. I told him he needed to get his things and get out. He said he would, but he wasn't moving. I then told him he had a 1/2 hour, or I would start throwing his things over the balcony. He then came up and got an outfit and left. While he was doing that though, I went out and took his bank card.

Today is his day off, and I know he will go in the house while I'm gone, so I left him a note telling him that if he didn't get his things out today while we were gone, then I will pack them for him, and put them out in the garage tonight. He will not admit that he is not taking his meds, or that he is using drugs, he will only admit to drinking. I am not going to begin to even have a discussion with him until he comes clean about what he's doing.

I was reading my old posts, the first one I wrote and it said that he was thrown into such a tail spin with the birth of our son, and I thought to myself, why didn't I think of this before we ended up pregnant again. Even though everything was going so well, maybe it was partly my fault that I went through with having our daughter, if it would effect him that way. Should I have known? It's kind of scary how easily you put things out of your mind when things are going so well for so long. What's important is that I NEVER forget that he IS sick, and always will be. That was a lesson learned I guess.

I don't know how this is all going to end up. What I do know is that the last time he was this bad, it took me almost 4 years to get to this point. This time it has taken 4 months. I feel pretty strong too. I still love him, but at this point, love has nothing to do with it. I feel like if I love him, then I have to do the right thing for him, and for the kids and I, and try to make him hit rock bottom, and not expose the rest of us to his sickness, if that's the way he is going to choose to live.

Say a prayer for my family.....

Melissa

[Spirit]

Hi Melissa, I haven't run across your posts as I haven't read posts in "Friends and Family" before but I did read what you poted today. It seems as though you have your hands full. You do appear to have a good grasp of what is going on and the will to do what needs to be done for your sake and the sake of the children. We will encourage you along the way. It wouldn't hurt to ask the good Lord for strength and guidance from time to time. He has sure helped me during the rough times. Please keep us posted

[melbeck032769]

Hi Melissa, I haven't run across your posts as I haven't read posts in "Friends and Family" before but I did read what you poted today. It seems as though you have your hands full. You do appear to have a good grasp of what is going on and the will to do what needs to be done for your sake and the sake of the children. We will encourage you along the way. It wouldn't hurt to ask the good Lord for strength and guidance from time to time. He has sure helped me during the rough times. Please keep us posted

Spirit,

Thank you for your response. My feelings are up and down about everything that is going on again. One minute I feel really down, and the next I feel stronger again. The one thing that I know is that I have to follow through with this for my family. It is funny the peace I feel and how at ease I feel when he is not around. You know, to be honest, the one thing that has been missing from my life for a while now is the Lord and prayer. I was somewhat of a religious person all of my life, and for sometime now, have been completely disconnected.

I'm really hoping that he does what I ask, and gets his things out while we are all gone today. I do not want anymore confrontations in front of the kids, and I'm tired of them too. I've had a really hard time concentrating today, and the anticipation of what I'm going to go home to is starting to give me a stomach ache (literally).

Thank you for your support, it means so much.

[Spirit]

Hi Melissa, I answered your other post. I'm thinking now that it might help for you to take the kids and go to church next Sunday since religion has been a part of your life in the past. Perhaps you might even make an appointment with the minister there. Also, you haven't mentioned family at all. Are your parents nearby?

[melbeck032769]

It's funny that you mention that, but I had already thought of doing that. My mother in law and I are going to go and take the kids.

Unfortunately, I cannot turn to my family. We had somewhat of a parting of ways 17 years ago, and it was due partly because of my husband. Since then, we have grown a little closer, but I have always made my own way, and do not involve them in that part of my life (if you can believe that). Especially with the way they feel about my husband, and now having a 4 1/2 month old baby, it wouldn't be the kind of support I would need or that would help me stay strong. My parents have a way of doing that. They conditionally love their children, and I am a part of their lives now because they are both in their early 70's, and I felt that I would regret it if I didn't stay connected with them at some level because of their age.

I don't know, I know I'm not perfect. Maybe the reason that I have a hard time letting go of my husband is because the baggage I have from growing up the way I did. As I said, I've been on my own since I was 18, right out of high school, and from the age of 23, until about 5 years ago, my family was not apart of my life at all. Believe it or not, my only support is my husbands mother. She completely understands where her son is, and to be honest, over the years, she has become like a mother to me.

When I got home from work yesterday, he was there. He instantly fell asleep, and slept throught the night. He called in sick to work today, because he in non-functional and is crashing.

Thanks for all of your advice Spirit. I know that I have to set boundaries with him. One good thing. I haven't given him his bank card back yet, and he hasn't asked for it. Which is REALLY amazing. That is a sign that maybe there is hope because he would not have stood for that a week ago. It would have been world war 3.

Thanks again

[Spirit]

Well, Melissa, I'm happy that you have your mother-in-law for support. These things aren't easy to deal with but you know that we're rooting for you however things turn out. Hope you enjoy church.....