Life Goes On...

[Spirit]

Hey Zooie, had no idea of all you've had to deal with lately in the financial world till I read your entry in Bad Day at Black Rock. Glad you're holding up mood wise (depression) though. I think it was good that you wrote to your brother return reciept requested and at least got that off your chest. All he can think about probably is that he could get some income from the house if it was rented out. But then, of course, he would owe his share of the taxes for all those years. I wish you well with that end of things anyway....Been feeling pretty good. Not much new going on around here to write about. One of our tenants, the one that only had a 6 months lease gave notice so as of 8/1 we'll be looking for a new tenant. ...Ken's been going to the casino more and more lately and I discussed it with him yesterday. It's looking like upwards of $100/week going out the window but he has won about $1000 since he started a couple of months ago. All I did was to ask him to start keeping trac, He got pouty and then stayed home today. Don't know quite how to handle it. He doesnt have that much to do. For the last few years he spent some time each day just driving around town. Can't play golf cause of arthritus in the wrong places, etc....Please say a prayer or two, would you? ....The CO Q-10 is still working and I want you to keep that in mind for future reference. ....Hope one of these days you can get an A/C for your car.....Oh yes, we had a really scary earth quake yesterday around 4:55pm. Shook up the house real good. It was on the other side of Palm Springs from here where there has been action in the past. I started to get up out of the chair and head outside and Ken said to just sit down and then it ended. You're lucky not to have rockin and rollin in your state. Well, that's about it for now.....

[Zooie]

Oh, dear Spirit. Thank you for your kind words under "Bad Day..." I'm feeling very lost these days and so very glad the Lord gave me Celexa just in time. It's just not been a good year. I didn't mean to rant so much but it all just came tumbling out. I never use words like that in "real life". (I'm a lover, not a fighter, lol)

Don't know if I should ask for a therapist to talk to at the mental health center or stay with med maintenance. Maybe some talk with a professional would do some good?

I dread my new client on Monday (4 hours). She's a hoarder. Stuff everywhere. I spent a lot of last Monday scrubbing her awful bathroom on hands and knees. I feel like I'm serving pennance (ms?) from past bad deeds. Yes, I'm praying, and reading, and praying some more.

I'm so glad you're still feeling good. I need to get vitamins before the Co Q10 but glad there's an alternative out there that works if the Celexa turns traitor. Glad you found it.

(am back) ...my neighbors just called on their cell. lol They're on their way home from going to the casino. Ha! They built on to Harrah's in Cherokee, NC big time, and she said they came out ahead and lots of new machines. I wish I could go. It really is a good outlet/outing if you just take only so much and leave when that's gone. *No harm done. She said they bought some fresh-cut beans on the way home to can, along with their tomatoes.

I hope you get another good tenant, but sorry you have to go through that again.

Well, am going to lay back down. Oh. I got disappointed with Walkers chat sad to say. It gets sorta "pushy" there and a couple of times I really needed to talk and was ignored so left. Oh well. There's more but don't feel like getting into it. Guess I'll just go to scheduled chat at PsychCentral where there are mods there and specific topics about bipolar. That's what I was looking for anyway.

Thanks Spirit, you made me smile, first time today. Take care dear penpal. Write soon.

[Spirit]

Hi Zooie, Glad to hear from you. You sound more like yourself. A talk therapist might be helpful if you feel like getting ahold of one. Something else came to mind. Is there a church nearby that holds a bible study some night during the week like a Tues or a Wed, a night on a day you don't work. Usually, after bible study everyone gets to express how they're doing and then they all pray for each other. Or, something else called Celebrate Recovery for people dealing with recovering from drugs, alcohol, etc. I'm sure there's prayer there as well. That's the one thing I miss at the DBSA meetings is not having any prayers for each other. Well, it's a thought, anyway.....Feeling good today. Went to Curves and came home and made Ken some macaroni salad to eat with chicken tonight. The Bachlarettte is on tonight and that's one of our favorite programs. (It takes such small things to keep us happy).....Took the last of the apples from our tree to Curves for the ladies there. Ken had a lot of fun giving out bags of apples to some of his favorite ladies at church.....Am still praying that your financial situation will straighten out to your satisfaction .....Are you going to get some of those green beans and tomatoes from your neighbors?.....I really need to gert down on my knees and scrub the baseboard in my bathroom. The thing is my knees aren't in good shape. Think I'll buy a long=handle brush and give it a whirl. ...All right girl, for now.

[Zooie]

B-o-i-n-g...up again! lol Prayer works...and perseverence. Can't figure out why I can't figure out that this illness always comes around to a good mood eventually. Oh well. And I also cranked up the house A/C, so I feel 110% better in this awful heat. When I did errands today I was absolutely drenched when I came home.

BUT, had to get vitamins and got Theragran-M that had Co-Q10 in it! Must be the latest craze. But it's "only?" 250mcg. What is your dose?

They cancelled my Monday new client...something's awful wrong with her Spirit, she's very, very confused and it's hard to get anything done there. But I have a new 2 hour client here in my town so that's much better. It's on Wednesdays 11-1, not much, but that's fine with me. I hope my raise is decent this year, but that hopefully should make up the difference that I need now.

It's the simple things gal that give us the most pleasure Spirit, a good TV show, a walk, giving away apples...

I finished my Will, the Advance Directive for Health Care, and the Financial Power of Attorney. The last has to be notarized but got the first two signed and witnessed today at the bank. I've changed everything to name my neighbor and dear friend as beneficiary, executrix, agent, etc. on everything! Poor thing. She told me she didn't mind, but to have everything paid off before I kick! lol I even categorized all my bills into things to cancel, things to pay off, people to notify, things to dump on my family (hehe). I've been meaning to do this for a long time but it's finally done! My possessed siblings are going to be pissed when they have to start paying taxes, insurance, upkeep etc. but that's too bad! I never got the certified mail thingy that said he got the stuff I sent. They are sooo wierd.

Oh, by the way, I'm not planning to leave this earth anytime soon, just getting things in order. Mom did that and it makes things SO much easier.

And I'm so glad you are still feeling good. The hard part about getting down on your knees to scrub is getting up. lol I try to avoid it at all costs but sometimes can't avoid it. That long-handle brush sounds good!

Well, full circle again. <sigh> Take care penpal, say hi to Ken, talk to ya soon.

[Zooie]

Just a note...I stayed up late last night trying to find my siblings. Yes, that's right, they no longer live in the same places. Since I never got the certified card in the mail (the letter I wrote telling them I'm putting mom's Will in force--that all 3 of us who own this house share the responsibility for it--to make them contribute to taxes this year), I looked up his address, and hers on the internet (they charge...forget that!) and thru information (found a "maybe" for sis). And my brother sold his house in FEBRUARY! (no listing at all for them) I'm so mad at both of them. They KNOW they need to stay in touch in case something happens to me. Damn, Spirit, I can't catch a break this year.

I also tried to call sis's ex, got a restaurant! And no listing for him either. WTF. ohhhh, bitch mode rearing it's ugly head. ::reaching for valium::

[Spirit]

Hi Zooie, It's been real hot here suddenly and to save money, we've turned off the AC around 7:30pm for a couple of nights. Then we didn't sleep too well and that put us in a bad mood and didn't get along well with each other. (I hate that). Anyway yesterday we got back on track and last night we left the air on all night or until it turned itself off and things are normal between us. Aslo, last night we went to dinner with friends and then played dominos. Boy thats a long game, isn't it. Have you played it all the way through?....I take 100mg of Co Q-10 if I haven't told you already. Muddler takes 120 Mgs. ....Sounds like your income will cover your expenses in general. Glad you got that extra job right in your home town. Makes it so much nicer not to have to drive far.....I think it's an adult thing to do a will. Ken and I did ours about 5 years ago. We don't have any plans to leave this planet for a long time either. It's just something that needs to be done. Good luck finding your siblings. I bet a few prayers about that will help. I know you can't afford a private detective but I have faith in your abillity to squeeze things out of the computer.....Have you tried Facebook?...Nothing much going on at the moment. Feel good today and hope you do too.....bye

[Zooie]

The heat's a bitch, ain't it??!! Will make a grown man cry. Glad y'all left the A/C on. That's what I finally had to do. But the car...awful.

Well, I did the obvious, got on my old computer and got their old email addresses from 2003! lol Didn't even think about that. And today heard from both of them! My brother is an ass as usual, may have to get that lawyer again.

But Spirit, my sister is SOBER. SOBER. She is a worse alcoholic than I am if it can be described in degrees of worse and worser. I'm sooo glad. I wrote her back. My nephew was recently diagnosed with bipolar (from schizophrenia!) and is in a mentally ill facility in Miami, living there, and will be home in November. I have his phone number now to call him.

My sister hurt her knee real bad at work and is on crutches now. She only sees our brother at Christmas now. He sent his address so I can finally send the packet to him. He was rude as usual but my sister said she understood if I didn't want to stay in touch but I wrote her we will take it slow. Spirit, did I tell you she's SOBER?! oh thank you God

*doing happy dance* Talk to you soon. I feel so humble right now, don't know quite why. Take care gal. Talk to you soon......SOBER (tears)

[Spirit]

Hi Zooie, so happy that you have connected with your sister and that it's a positive thing for the two of you and that you can get in touch with your nephew who means so much to you. (I don't have anything to say to you about your brother except that it's too bad that he has that negative attitude and there's probably not much you can do except put it in God's hands)....Nothing much happening around here. Am waiting on two doctors now, my psychdoc and now my endochronologist. (I guess doctors gert to go on vacation too). My thyroid reading came through a little off and will need a medical adjustment on that. Wonder if that latter has caused some of the agitation I've been experiencing. Anyway, the heat is lowering a tad today and that's nice. Am waiting to hear when Cathy can bring the boys over here for an over night. That's about all for now...Ta, ta

[Zooie]

Updated and said it all under Bad Day...Triggered...can't do anymore, can't cope anymore, I admit defeat. I am praying for the Lord to either end it all here and now or take away all this pain. Every day is hell. It's getting worse. Read Psalms 71, I am begging now. It hurts sooo bad. Made reservations for the casino on Aug. 15/16, have $70 in free coupons and room is free. I desperately need to get away. Will be careful. Take care with your doctor's visits, and Cathy's. So glad you and my neighbor are here. Y'all keep me grounded somehow. Don't know how you do it.

[Spirit]

Oh my Dear Zooie, I can't believe you're in so much pain at this time. You even changed your little picture away from that cute dancing couple which I liked so much. Well, I understand how bad things look right now. I did read Psalm 71. Here's what I want you to read: Phil 4:13, 2Thes 3:3, Romans 8:31, John15:9, and Eph 3:18 and you'll find some comfort there, I expect. The idea when these times come over a person is to get through them one day at a time. We all know that this illness is an up and down thing and that the up will soon occur. .... Right now I'm frustrated with my computer because it won't let me forward anything. I turned it off and then on again and it still won't let me forward anything. Oh well, maybe tomorrow after it has a "good nights' sleep" it will work for me. ....I'm still hanging in with the Ativan and experiencing some rapid cycling and looking forward to seeing my psychdoc the second Wed in August. I've been spoiled just sailing along with no particular problems and have been very fortunate for quite awhile. ..Been doing my usual with Curves and Redhats and lunch with a friend and dinner out with Ken. Finished another group of 4 lap robes and my friend and I took some over to the nursing home a few days ago. I still like crocheting them....Dear One, believe me you are in my prayers and you can pray for us that come the first of August when we get a vacancy again that we get a good tenant.....Hang in girl, Lois

[Zooie]

I was getting chilly bending over in the rain, and starting to sneeze. Will read the Bible verses then write more later. Thank you dear Spirit. Pls read check-in thread. Take care.

[Spirit]

Hi Zooie, I read "Check In Thread" and am keeping up with your exploits that way and am awaiting more from you on "Life goes on." Am feeling better lately. The Ativan (.5mg twice daily) helps and I seem to have stopped ruminating on how I would handle my life if my husband wwere to expire before me which was what put me into a horrible anxiety state so I figured out. Where that came from I have no idea, it just hit me suddenly. It's not like Ken has some horrible illness. The only thing is that he smokes so much.. So now I'm more calm. Also, I did go to DBSA last Friday and got a lot of stuff off my chest = stuff I can't tell just anybody I know. ......Now am contemplating why Ken and I have no need/desire to go anywhere or do anything special except to stay home and wait for his tomatoes to ripen. "Been there, done that" seems to be the order of the day for the moment. I tell myself that the one thing a person can be sure of about life is change so this lethargy will probably change at some point, (I hope). ..We've been fortunate weather-wise as it's only been in the low 90's this week. We turn the AC off around 7pm and fake it after that. I sleep in under pants with a sheet over me and the windows open with the ceiling fan going...How's your new bed? Good I imagine. ...Took 4 more lap robes over to the nursing home last week. Am trying to get them to give a reciept for $25 per lap robe for income tax purposes. They are hand made after all and it would help. The lady is checking with "Corporate". That's about it for now. Hope things keep getting better. ...Oh, about your auto parts and service guy. Isn't he allowed to get a mark up on the parts?

[Zooie]

Hi dear Spirit. I've sadly neglected this area lately and I feel ashamed. But I think it's taken longer than I'd like to admit to get over the misguided communication with siblings. 'nuf said about that.

I was glad to hear you are hanging in there and even feeling better. It takes a while doesn't it to figure out what's buggin' us. My neighbor and her husband have been going out of town more and more this year because as she says, she won't have him forever (he will be 80 in November). She's only 61 so I understand that she wants to hang on to him as long as possible. I went through losing the man I love once and don't ever want to go through that loss again. Same reason I won't ever get another pet either. Gosh this is sad! But it's life. Just hold on to each other.

As for staying at home, why not? It's free, familiar, nobody gives you a bill to pay at the end of the meal, and you get to watch TV in your underwear if you want to!

I'm defeated by this heat Lois. 100 today and that's not even the heat index. I wish I had kept all that money I won in February and got a new car A/C. Oh well. Oh, you know, I didn't even think about parts mark ups. Wow, how stupid of me. But I still don't think he's being honest about telling me he "only uses the best parts". So why don't they work? Oops, there I go again.

You know Lois, I think the Celexa is making me irritable. I've noticed a trend with this even before siblings misadventure. But called it the heat then. Who knows?

Anyway, I'm glad you have your group to discuss things "in private". I'm still contemplating adding a therapist to the mix.

Take care dear. Have a good weekend. Talk to you again SOON.

[Spirit]

Hi Zooie, good to hear from you. I got excited about that web site you listed on "Getting Financial Help with Meds". You see, I had been chatting with some of the Walkers In Darkness people the other day and one of them had had to go off meds as her med money had been cut off and she was waiting for another program to come through for her. So I got on chat and was able to find someone who could pass the web site on to her. I can't imagine how I would ever be able to deal with life without my meds, can you? Sometimes when we have an earthquake, I think I should get a little hoard of meds together and put them in my purse in case of a big quake I can grab my purse and get out of here. I haven't done it yet, however.....Celexa or heat? I vote for the heat but I haven't been on Celexa so I really don't know.....Last week I went with a friend to check out an apartment she's thinking of moving to. It's small and the rooms are like boxes but she seems to like it so I didn't say that the place depressed me. I encouraged her not to put down a deposit until they had finished cleaning it up and installing the dishwasher, etc. She's having to get out of the apt. she's in because the mgr. can't/won't get rid of the cockroaches. Such a deal!....Went out to dinner with two couples last night and then back here for cards and brownies that Ken made. These were friends from church....Also, visited one of the church ladies who's in a rehab center getting ready to go back home after surgery. They rebuilt her bladder and rectum. Yuk the troubles one gets in old age....We're still expierencing fairly decent weather but the temp is supposed to go over 100 come Wed. I'm so sorry that you have such heat where you are. Can you start a little fund going for AC for your car somehow? Maybe you'll get lucky at the casino but I know you can't count on that. Ken's all into the Lotto lately. He has his one set of numbers he always uses. I don't know where he got them. Nothing much exciting there for him lately.....Next week we'll advertise that duplex and hope we can rent it soon. Please say a few prayers. I talked to my brother the other day and everyone including his daughter and brother-in-law have empty houses they're trying to rent. He, himself owns a shopping center that's been half full for a few years now. A sign of the times, huh?....Well, hope you have a good week yourself. Don't work too hard.....

[Zooie]

I am SO behind posting here! But things are finally settling down a bit, mood is stable (nothing a couple of days off in air conditioning won't fix).

First of all, how is your friend that had the reconstructive surgery? I hope she is doing well and is healing nicely. I don't know if I could stand another surgery. I think they've tinkered with just about everything but my brain, and that's beyond repair!

That's sad about all the rental properties being vacant. Yes, it's the times. For the life of me, I don't know how folks are getting by on just unemployment. I see on TV people who used to donate food are standing in line for free food themselves. I may be in that line myself after work gets the letter I emailed them today. <sigh> Lois, this has been one hell of a year. I don't remember so many things going wrong like this in a LONG time.

You know my Thurs/Fri client and family believe people with mental illnesses are possessed by the devil. Well, they've finally gone too far. I posted all this under Bad Day... if you want to read it. I'm tired of battling for an existence with this illness. And to top it off, my yearly review is the 24th. Don't think I'll get a 100 again this year!

So Ken is playing the lottery. hehe My neighbor does too. She plays PowerBall, Mega Millions, Fantasy 5, and mucho scratchoff cards. And they went to the casino again today, but mainly 'cause her hubby's brother and his wife were visiting and wanted to go. I'm really looking forward to my trip, only the 2nd time away this year. But guess it depends on whether I get a new client or not, and when (or even IF).

Hope that medication web site helps. And that's a good idea about keeping extra meds on hand. I used to put a week's worth in a very small pill counter (circular), but what I take now wouldn't fit! But you could take the label off a pill bottle and wrap up several days worth and keep it there to grab on the way out the door. Need to do that too.

Well, meds have kicked in, coma time. Take care, please say hello to Ken. Talk to you soon.